10 Reasons You Don’t Have Your Sh*t Together
Do you ever wonder why it seems no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to get your shit together? You want to, you just can’t seem to figure out how or why. See if you can identify with the 10 reasons you don’t have your sh*t together, and how to fix it.
You make snap decisions without thinking.
We’ve all made decisions that had unintended consequences at one time or another. But when this is your standard mode of operation, it can have disastrous effects.
When making important decisions, especially if they will affect the lives of others, you need to take the time to carefully consider the future impact of your choices. Make sure you gather as much information as possible in order to make an informed decision.
You don’t set boundaries.
When you don’t set boundaries, you are like a leaf in the wind. You have no control over your life. Instead you are subject to the whims and demands of everything and everyone else. You allow the opinions and judgments of others erode your self confidence. But here’s the thing–other people don’t have to live with the choices you make, YOU DO! So identify what you will and will not accept for yourself and let people know. Be polite but firm and let them know when they overstep the bounds.
Be prepared for some blow-back from them at first. They’ve become accustomed to the no-boundary version of you. Don’t cave! Stand firm and they will eventually get the point. You’re boundaries and time are just as important as theirs.
You don’t have a budget.
This is probably one of the biggest reasons you don’t have your shit together financially. I am by no means a financial guru, but I have made enough mistakes to know what NOT to do.
Your priorities should be your housing and utilities first, food next, medical expenses, clothing, transportation, and savings. Anything after that is discretionary. You should look for every possible non-essential items that can be cut from your spending. Your nails and designer purse are NOT essentials.
If your current job doesn’t pay you enough to cover your basic living expenses (not including credit bills), then it’s time to consider upping your money game.
I’m going to say something that many people don’t agree with, but here it goes:
you are the only person responsible for your income. It is no one else’s responsibility to ensure you have enough money to cover your expenses or provide you with the lifestyle you want.
The sooner you accept this fact, the sooner you will be empowered to take control of your situation and change it for the better.
Take an honest look at where your money is going, and identify things you can cut out. We were shocked when we started tracking our spending to find that we were spending from $600-$900 a month on eating out!!! Needless to say, we are budgeting only $300 for that now.
We’ve also been able to save another $400 a month by cutting cable and avoiding toll roads. I even saved $1000 by changing my own brakes last month. It’s not fun, but it’s a necessary evil if you want to improve your financial situation.
You don’t make enough income.
As I mentioned above, if your job doesn’t provide you enough money to cover your basic living expenses, you need to make up the difference somehow. You can find a cheaper place to live, or you need to bring in more money.
You could get a second or third job, but you’ll probably burn yourself out very quickly. And the point of this blog is to get OUT of burnout, not deeper into it.
Therefore, no matter how much you hate change, or how easy and comfy your job is, it’s time to consider a step up if you want to improve your quality of life. If you don’t have the skills or experience for anything else, then find a way to get them. Don’t let fear stop you!
Take classes, look for apprenticeship programs that pay you while you learn. Ask for a pay raise. There are options, don’t make excuses for why you can’t try them. No growth in life is easy or painless, but it’s definitely worth it in the end.
You blame life or others for your current circumstances.
This is # 5 on the list of 10 reasons you don’t have your sh*t together. I see SO MANY people complaining and blaming their situation on anyone and everything but themselves. They blame their job, their family, the government, rich people, white people, black people, God, the aliens…. The unpopular truth is, again, YOU are the only one responsible for your circumstances remaining the same. (*insert the tired “Ok, boomer* comment here)
Please understand I am not saying people are responsible for the illnesses and tragedies that have happened to them. But I AM saying you don’t have to let those things define you. If you look around, there are many examples of people who have overcome HUGE challenges and traumas.
They went on to accomplish amazing things in their lives. They refused to let their disabilities or tragedies ruin their lives or imprison them. If you need a couple of examples, check out the inspiring stories of Nick Vujicic and Eric Thomas.
You don’t believe you deserve better.
Limiting beliefs and fear are probably the biggest obstacles to getting your shit together. You don’t believe you can do better, and you don’t believe you deserve better.
But I am telling you that YOU DO! You have to believe you deserve better, and then you must believe in yourself enough to make it happen. The only way to start believing what you are capable of is to TAKE ACTION. Even if it’s uncomfortable and scary.
Confidence increases with each little win, so start with achieving small wins. Pick something that makes you a little unsure or uncomfortable and just do it. And if you don’t succeed, keep trying until do.
Then try something a little more challenging. Keep upping the challenges and you’l soon feel like you can accomplish anything you set your mind to!
You don’t hang out with people that push you and lift you up.
Ever heard the saying, “You are the company you keep?” Or “birds of a feather flock together?”
It’s true! What these saying mean is that people tend to gravitate towards what’s familiar. It’s true even if what’s familiar is not necessarily the best thing for us. Hanging out with the wrong crowd is #7 on the list of 10 reasons you don’t have your sh*t together.
Many of our relationships exist because we have common ground. Sometimes if you decide to make a change for the better, some of your family and friends will have a negative reaction. Many people are afraid to see others stepping up because it forces them to look at their own lives. Some just aren’t ready to do that.
So instead they might accuse you of thinking you are better than them, or make fun of your efforts. Misery loves company, right? When you no longer want to stay down, you take away pat of that common ground you shared. And that scares people who are insecure.
I’m not suggesting you abandon your current friends, but maybe limit your interactions with them if they are a negative influence. Meet people that have the qualities you would like to have. Find friends and mentors who will motivate you and give you some tough love when you need it.
No one ever achieved anything in life by only being told what they want to hear. Real friends will want the best for you, and give you a kick in the ass when you need it.
You don’t set goals or a plan to achieve them.
Reason # 9 on the list of 10 reasons you don’t have your sh*t together is because you don’t have a goal. In order to get your shit together, you need to get clear on what it is you want to achieve. Without goals, you will just flit from moment to moment, thing to thing, never having much to show for it.
Sit down and write out what you want to achieve in the next month or year. I’m not talking just money an material stuff. Set some personal goals as well. Don’t think too much on the “how”, just brain-dump your goals for now.
One you’ve come up with your top 5 goals, pick one. Start thinking about the steps you need to take in order to achieve it. Consider the order in which those tasks need to happen.
Give yourself a deadline to achieve your overall goal, and then a realistic deadline for each task leading up to the end date. Goals without deadlines are easy to lose sight of.
You are afraid to take risks.
You may be thinking, “Hey, I thought you said I need to think before making decisions!”
Yes, that’s absolutely true. But that also means don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you decide and take action. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
What I am talking about is taking calculated risks. It means being reasonable when deciding whether or not to take a big risk, like moving, quitting a job, starting another relationship, ect.
Weigh the pros and cons, and then go for it if the pros outweigh the cons. Make a plan and just go for it. You can be ok with some uncertainty and challenges if the payoff will be worth it. But you’ll never know unless you take a chance. And if it doesn’t turn out exactly as planned, change the plan, not the goal.
You want instant gratification.
Don’t we all, right? This is #10 of the 10 reasons your don’t have your sh*t together. Unfortunately, success is not instant. Those who seem like they’ve achieved it have probably been working up to it for a very long time before anyone noticed.
I’ve been working on this little venture of mine for the past year. I’ve been doing my inner work for over 10 years. I am not a patient person by nature. I’ve learned over the years to celebrate the little victories along the way.
Many of us get burned out when we focus on how long and difficult the road to success can be. But if we can focus on each incremental step, we feel like we are actually succeeding more often. And those little successes give us the momentum to keep going.
One of my goals is to get rid of at least 20 pounds before my son’s high school graduation in May. Although 20 pounds doesn’t seem like a lot, when you are over 40, it’s a monumental task!
So rather than taking my usual “all or nothing” approach, I broke my goal down into weekly achievable goals. Focusing on only a week at a time made it much easier than thinking in terms of 20 lbs in 10 weeks.
So try breaking your goals down into manageable chunks and celebrate each success! Just don’t slack until you’ve reached the end!
Ok, Make It Happen!
Well, there you have it! I know it seems like a lot, and it may not give you the warm fuzzies. But you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. If you have blind spots or things you can’t seem to move past, there is no shame in getting help. Talk to a good therapist or life coach. Read some really good self improvement and self help books. You can see the top 5 self improvement books that have changed my life below.
It doesn’t make you weak or crazy. In fact, it takes much more courage to acknowledge your challenges than it does to live in denial.
Now, get out there and get your sh*t together ! Make it happen! You deserve the best life has to offer and its waiting for you on the other side of fear.
Cheering for you-